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Time For My Yearly Entry

Mar. 25th, 2016 | 02:00 pm

I have not forgotten about LiveJournal, but I never got around to updating it.

Looking back on my LiveJournal, I find it heartbreaking that the very same problems I complained about previously are still present, only worse.  I feel as if I am the only person I know who has not sold out to the machine.  People play the trauma and pity cards to get sympathy and to excuse bullying, while still making money from other people's suffering. I have tried and failed to lead the charge against this.

To think, Rand Paul a few years ago was the face of bullying, and now it is Donald Trump.  The "Anti-PC" wave has not yet crested.  The worst is to come.

Somebody has to do something, but I simply cannot.

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2014, From Bad to Worse

Apr. 26th, 2015 | 10:19 pm

This is my first and only post for 2014, and it's telling that it took until halfway through 2015 to post it.

The good news is that I still live and still am able to write in this venue.

The bad news is that it doesn't matter whether I live, as no one has read and taken to heart what I've written, which makes life meaningless.

The Sailor Moon Boycotts (both mine and the other one) were pointless, with rare exception, they did not cause "Moonies" to re-examine their own prejudices and approporiation of Japanese works as cultural window dressing. The movemenets did not encourage the license holders to release the old dub. Instead proved that boycotts do not work and that it's wrong to try them.

Crowdfunding has gone from merely the standard to now the realm of the privileged.  It's sad that now only those who don't need crowdfunding to are able to create the "suspense"  and to advertise their own product at the expense of their followers.  Why can't people crowdfund people without followings and thus make unknown people into success stories? The Internet is now about successful people cyberbegging.

The problem is it's all about hype, not substance, or worth.  It's all about tricking people, not lifting people up.  Kickstarter could be used to get the girl with no experience her own graphic novel.  Indiegogo could be used to give the guy denied loan after loan and into debt to his eyeballs a second chance

The irony is those who talk about privilege the most are the ones to reward others in their own social circles to lift them up, instead of falling for what's "hot" and wasting money because it's trendy.

No one is going to Kickstart my dreams, so why should I Kickstart anyone else's?

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Year In Review - 2013

Dec. 31st, 2013 | 03:29 am

Every year I try write an essay out of the happenings of the year, and what has happened to my LiveJournal is somewhat predictable. Given that the friends I used to have on it mostly frequent Facebook and Tumblr, there's less of an audience to talk to, except for the odd visitor in my logs.

Most of my blogging has ported over to Tumblr, but in my mind, I always thought there'd be a place for LiveJournal. This format, for good or for ill, allows for discourse and an actual, threaded means of discussion without turning an opinion into something to be crowd-shared and subverted completely. It's a place where I can write a rant and not have to worry about whether someone will see it in five minutes or never at all. Each post is a chapter in the autobiography of my life.

But I live in a world of Web 3.8 or whatever, where not only is everything dynamic, nothing is of permanence. The skirmishes of 2012 are ancient history ("Who is PSY?"), and even stories that are hours old are considered outdated. This is a world that I can no longer live in, at least not digitally.

I find it odd that those who are my age and older are actually coping with this change more smoothly than I have. 40 and 50 year olds post daily on social media without shame, to the point where Geraldo Rivera's self-portrait was seen as risible and surprising, but not earth-shatteringly depraved. Crowdfunding has gone from Internet phenomenon to standard procedure. Yet, in spite of all this, the same lie is told. "You can do it if you try."

This year had been good, although not great, to me in the beginning. I admit. I thought that this year was going to be the breakthrough year because I was going to make it or bust, and up until April, I actually thought I had a chance of at least staying even. Events in the early spring and summer caused the potential breakthrough to become a horrible setback, and now in winter, the very heat I'm using will soon not be paid for and possibly cut off.

Unexpected events happened on a professional note (which cost me money) and a personal note (which really cost me money). Next year I will definitely be making less money than I did this year and literally busted down three years in terms of wages, and given that my expenses have gone up over the years, this means I am in dire financial straits. Options such as getting another job are out -- not only does the shift I work now put me at odds with most part-time positions, a second job won't pay enough to offset the cost in gas or even bus fare of going to work as I literally do not have $20 per week to spare at this point.

To be fair, there is good. Elly, a.k.a. Miss Dream, was exposed as a bully and her meltdown will go down in history. I was at least able to get some feedback on one of my aphorisms. I also discovered NFL Rush Zone and Attack on Titan, two awesome animated shows with very different tones.

However, this year has ended in a low note, an even lower note than the years members of my close-knit family passed or people I thought were my friends betrayed my trust. After those events, there was a glimmer of hope that even if the world hated me for whatever reason, I was going to continue to work to survive. But as the firing of Adria Richards and the posthumous conviction of Trayvon Martin show, merit, fighting for one's life and livelihood labels you the villain. One can't survive a shot to the heart.

Good night, 2013. I don't think I'll have much to say about 2014.

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No, I haven't forgotten about this place.

Oct. 12th, 2013 | 11:50 pm

Trust me, even though I've bailed on LiveJournal, there are some aspects of this service that I prefer to those of other sites. This is still, like, my winter home.

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Way to make me feel worse, guys...

Apr. 7th, 2013 | 03:03 am

So LiveJournal is deciding to join the whole social media crowd and is now assigning users social capital.

Does not LiveJournal realize the reason why I still use the service is that even though I have few followers and few friends, I can write my occasional entries and have a false sense of importance. Maybe no one will read my entries as I write them, but someone may stumble upon them, at least I hope.

Thanks for making me feel even more worthless than I already do.

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Looking back at my LiveJournal

Mar. 21st, 2013 | 04:07 am

I tend to look at my LiveJournal from time to time, and I look back on my previous entries. I remember I dreamed, for instance, to make Ogre Battle: The Series a real television show. To be clear this television show would be different from the sprite comic, as it would focus on the actual heroes of the game in episodic format and would have a more serious bent (by contrast, my nearly-dead comic is shown more from the perspective of the rank-and-file soldiers).

Back then I was completely unaware of how television worked as a business, and while I still am unaware of a lot, thanks to sites like TVByTheNumbers and various articles I read since then, I am more aware that getting a television show onto TV isn't as simple as writing a script and pitching it to the right people. I learned that a show doesn't stay on television because the writers have stories to tell, and not even always because the ratings are good, but because of other factors, like the cost of the show, or in the case of cartoons, how well the merchandise sells. Of course that's not counting the massive legal hurdles one would have to go through to get SquareEnix to sign off on it.

Looking back on it now, I realized that while I liked the idea of having the series as a real show and being the executive producer, the goal was slightly more realistic than sprouting wings and flying. Furthermore, even as the executive producer, I would not have ultimate say, as there are standards I would have to adhere to. Everyone has a boss, and I now realize that television shows aren't just ensemble pieces that the actors, writers, directors, and crew put together, but are vehicles that networks use to lure advertisers who pay for the networks' existence. While I might not have necessarily believed it, I wish someone would have told me this in my younger days, not that my dreams sucked but why they sucked. I could have learned something instead of despairing and not knowing why.

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Feb. 14th, 2013 | 06:08 am

It's seems as if someone has finally made it known how she really feels about me.

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2012 - The End of My World

Dec. 31st, 2012 | 10:36 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

Every year, near the end of the year, I write an entry reflecting on the year that has passed.  Sometimes, these entries are long rants about matters of the heart. At other times, they are short and meaningless entries.  This will be in the middle of those two extremes.

I suppose in some respects, I am precisely where I am at the end of 2008 from an emotional standpoint.  Once again, it seems as if people who enjoy a measure of success in a fandom end up using that power to their own ends.  Although some of the venues and players change, the game of propping oneself up on someone else's work to control like-minded fans remains the same.  Groupthink is alive and kicking.

For example, Miss Dream and the Deimos Project took over the Sailor Moon Forum earlier this year, and instantly got rid the people deemed "retards" (read: "people Miss Dream did not like"), ignoring the existing forum rules.  Although the forum is still active, there has been public unrest about the exceedingly large number of disparate people who were banned -- dub fans, critics, and those who just plain disagree with consensus are no longer allowed on the forum.  Much like Kel McDonald, Elly of Miss Dream went on a begging spree for money this year.  Yet her reach extends to the point where other notable fan figures magically "agree" to deliberately sabotage those who have been shunned.  If a Sailor Moon fan challenges the standard, all of the major names of the Sailor Moon community instantly block that person and mock him or her.  Victims of bullying from that forum range from celeurmouy to the people of the Sailor Moon S DiC Fandub.

But this time, there is a difference.  Unlike with Brian Clevinger's horrid treatment of his critics, people are seeing through the antics of Miss Dream.  They may not challenge her on it, but they will at least acknowledge that something is wrong with the way she has handled the forum.

More importantly, though, I see that all this that I've whined about -- it hasn't just happened to me.

Ron Carlivati is the head writer of General Hospital.  I normally would only marginally care, because until this year, I had barely watched General Hospital.  However, as friends of mine have pointed out, he is as publicly abusive toward his critics as Clevinger, McDonald, Elly, and so many others have been.  While previously, I realized that the jerks I ran into online were just jerks that happened to be gifted, I did not have concrete confirmation until now that I was not the only person targeted in such a manner.  There are other people this has happened to, who despite trying to push forward in personal projects are outright censored by oversensitive creators and their overzealous fans.

That is why I've decided to take 2012 in stride.  It is the end of my world; I am not alone. No, 2012 is the year that "Nadia Oxford" called a transsexual a "moral fag" on the Sailor Moon Forum and was shown to be a bigotThat was terrible.

2013 is a new beginning.  Here's to a better year, folks!

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Oct. 31st, 2012 | 01:30 am

I want to participate in NaNoWriMo again...but...

...I have no idea which idea I'm going to pursue...and I have less than 24 hours to choose.

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Oct. 24th, 2012 | 03:09 pm

I had the weirdest conversation with someone on AIM today.  Yes, I bothered to sign into AIM.

I signed on aim under my destinafaroda screen name and someone messaged me.   We talked for a few minutes, then the person I talked to all of a sudden blocked me.

Is this the new trend in bots?  Engage in conversation, then block?  If so, I don't get it.

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