Nangbaby (nangbaby) wrote,

Year In Review - 2013

Every year I try write an essay out of the happenings of the year, and what has happened to my LiveJournal is somewhat predictable. Given that the friends I used to have on it mostly frequent Facebook and Tumblr, there's less of an audience to talk to, except for the odd visitor in my logs.

Most of my blogging has ported over to Tumblr, but in my mind, I always thought there'd be a place for LiveJournal. This format, for good or for ill, allows for discourse and an actual, threaded means of discussion without turning an opinion into something to be crowd-shared and subverted completely. It's a place where I can write a rant and not have to worry about whether someone will see it in five minutes or never at all. Each post is a chapter in the autobiography of my life.

But I live in a world of Web 3.8 or whatever, where not only is everything dynamic, nothing is of permanence. The skirmishes of 2012 are ancient history ("Who is PSY?"), and even stories that are hours old are considered outdated. This is a world that I can no longer live in, at least not digitally.

I find it odd that those who are my age and older are actually coping with this change more smoothly than I have. 40 and 50 year olds post daily on social media without shame, to the point where Geraldo Rivera's self-portrait was seen as risible and surprising, but not earth-shatteringly depraved. Crowdfunding has gone from Internet phenomenon to standard procedure. Yet, in spite of all this, the same lie is told. "You can do it if you try."

This year had been good, although not great, to me in the beginning. I admit. I thought that this year was going to be the breakthrough year because I was going to make it or bust, and up until April, I actually thought I had a chance of at least staying even. Events in the early spring and summer caused the potential breakthrough to become a horrible setback, and now in winter, the very heat I'm using will soon not be paid for and possibly cut off.

Unexpected events happened on a professional note (which cost me money) and a personal note (which really cost me money). Next year I will definitely be making less money than I did this year and literally busted down three years in terms of wages, and given that my expenses have gone up over the years, this means I am in dire financial straits. Options such as getting another job are out -- not only does the shift I work now put me at odds with most part-time positions, a second job won't pay enough to offset the cost in gas or even bus fare of going to work as I literally do not have $20 per week to spare at this point.

To be fair, there is good. Elly, a.k.a. Miss Dream, was exposed as a bully and her meltdown will go down in history. I was at least able to get some feedback on one of my aphorisms. I also discovered NFL Rush Zone and Attack on Titan, two awesome animated shows with very different tones.

However, this year has ended in a low note, an even lower note than the years members of my close-knit family passed or people I thought were my friends betrayed my trust. After those events, there was a glimmer of hope that even if the world hated me for whatever reason, I was going to continue to work to survive. But as the firing of Adria Richards and the posthumous conviction of Trayvon Martin show, merit, fighting for one's life and livelihood labels you the villain. One can't survive a shot to the heart.

Good night, 2013. I don't think I'll have much to say about 2014.

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