Things were too good to be true...this show got bad fast.
Episode 12: "The Night Lands"
This was basically, "Sex, the Episode."
You see, I thought Mama Stark was going to the island mentioned in the previous episode, but instead, it's HeartRobb's best friend who goes there...while getting serviced by a woman. At the same time HeartRobb's friend is watched by a man who is letting a girl do things to him while he watched.
Anyway, HeartRobb's friend gets off the boat, gets a horse, and rides with a mysterious woman who he rubs his hands all over her in a Paw Patrol. When he gets to the caste he is before his father, the lord they are supposed to see. His father -- The Old Man of the Sea -- gives him a refresher that the woman he had been fondling was his sister and a proven commander. His dad outright says claims Paw Patrol is just not worthy and berates him.
At the same time, Lord Stannis is also seduced by Madame Red and has sex in the war room.
Even the characters who aren't having sex seem to be obsessed with it. We do get a dark-skinned man who happens to be a pirate, and more than money he wants to be able copulate with the queen. Up north, Sam is also horny, even though he doesn't break his celibacy vows, yet. Instead a girl asks him and Jon Snow for help since she is pregnant and may be carrying a boy. and Jon Snow eventually gives way and decides to help, despite being on probation. At night a figure in the village takes a baby boy to the edge, where this figure in dark armor comes and steals it away. Jon Snow witnesses this, and for his troubles, he gets hit over the head like El Kabong.
The only non-sex things that happen are that Tyrion sends the guy who carried out Joffrey's heartless execution of Robert's bastard children packing . He's clearning house as the King's Hand and is much better suited to the role than Ned. We also learn why Incest Queen hates Tyrion -- because he's the youngest brother and his birth resulted in their mother dying. What a dysfunctional family!
Also, the boy from the forge is surprised to find out not that Arya is a girl, but that she is a highborn lady, and worse yet, the King's soldiers arrive. She thinks the coppers are after her, but the reality is they're after him. The caravan leader prevents them from discovering him.
This was a really, really bad episode. Other thoughts...
- Tyrion says he's a man without honor, but from what we've seen so far, that is a lie. He's just not stupid to run out on the debt he owes. He pays his debts, like the house motto.
- Is Arya going to get strung up and have her period Osama-style?
- Meanwhile, Daenerys is suffering now that one of her remaining horsemen is also killed, but that's not news. She has nothing on the sex workers that are still mourning the death of that baby in the previous episode. Maybe they can all start a "Dead Babies' Society" with Don't Trust Me, Bro as the sponsor.
- Why could Jon Snow's direwolf approach a random villager, but isn't helping him with his attack here? Wasn't Jon afraid of undead things walking around at night?