Episode 13: "What is Dead May Never Die"
Mama Stark goes to see another Baretheon son. Great casting to get this guy who looks like the Flower Knight's boyfriend! I can see! No wait, that is Robert's younger brother! Anyway he's got a stag crown on his head (so I'm calling him "Young Buck"), a woman at his side, and receives Mama Stark warmly. He's also watching a gigantic woman who looks like Sergeant Calhoun from Wreck-It Ralph fight this other guy, and gives her a place in his guard when she bests him.
Later...who I guess is the Flower Knight (did he get recast, or do I just not recognize him because it's been a while) is in bed with Young Buck. He's peeved, though, because his boyfriend, Young Buck, gave Sergeant Calhoun a place in his guard instead of him. So that was him in that scene? He leaves, and his wife enters to make love with him. Young Buck can't perform for her, because he's gay, not bi, but won't admit it. She knows, though and she wants him to have a son with her, though, so he can seal his claim.
At the same time, Sansa is having dinner with Incest Queen and some other kids...one of whom is a Princess...WHAT THE HECK?! Incest Queen has more children? And they're golden-haired too? Okay, this is something that should have been made clear earlier as I thought Joffrey was her only son. Anyway, they treat Sansa horribly. Nothing new on this front, other than the fact that Incest Queen has been busier creating spares than I expected.
Meanwhile, Tyrion is once again, showing us why this show should center on him and his antics. He realizes he has a spy and he plans to ferret out the squealer. He tells the old doddering advisor he plans to marry off a girl to one person, he tells that bald eunuch -- who I am calling Uncle Fester because apparently, he's an important player -- he plans to marry her off to someone else, and then he gives a third name to Don't Trust Me, Bro. The last of the three later realizes he's been had and confronts Tyrion about it, but nothing comes of it from what I can tell.
Also, Tyrion sends his Melania to be Sansa's handmaid. Melania doesn't know how to be a handmaid, so Sansa, having a horrible day, is mean to her, only to relent and allow Melania to brush her hair.
Later, Tyrion meets with Incest Queen, who is livid. Oh, that girl he was talking of marrying off was her daughter And she recalls how she was forcibly married to the former King Robert in a similar way. However, from the name she says as the potential husband, Tyrion deduces that it was the old man who was the spy, and the guards take him away as he's getting serviced by a whore. Tyrion pays her a coin, then pays her again with another coin.
And up north, Jon Snow's dramatic investigation comes to nothing, because he got hit on the head, dragged back to camp, then got chewed out by his boss for interfering where he didn't belong, telling Jon that he needs the help of Wildling men like their host. So nothing comes of this. Don't be a hero, Jon.
In addition, there's more minor developments with Paw Patrol. His Old Man of the Sea is giving control of the army to his sister, who looks a little like Stephanie McMahon, so to let's call her Stephanie. Paw Patrol doesn't approve of his father's ways, and cries out that he was sent to the Starks as a kid, but the Old Man of the Sea again says that their house takes what they want and he's not making a deal with the Starks. For some reason, this spawns Paw Patrol to get baptized. Since he got baptized and didn't put his meat hooks on his sister in this episode, I'll christen him with a new name -- Waterboy!
Finally, there's Arya's plot thread, and the King's Guard again attack the caravan. The caravan leader tells Arya and the boy from the forge -- I'm calling him "MiniTaur" because I can't catch these names and his increased focus suggests he's going to be around for a while-- to get away and hide, while he rallies all of the other boys to defend themselves. And the caravan leader gets killed, which is good because I kept confusing him with Tyrion's sellsword/BFF. So yet another character dies whose name I don't remember. Arya and MiniTaur don't get away (in part because Arya decides to help some captives who were teasing her), so the guards they ask which one of the boys is the one they're looking for...and Arya points to a boy who had MiniTaur's helmet.
- No Daenerys makes me sad, but no Joffrey makes me glad.
- Bran's teacher seemed to make a dig at Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings with the idea of magic being dead and kids wanting to be special. Of course in this universe, magic is alive in the form of blue-eyed zombies and likely man-eating dragons (hey, they aren't eating any other meat).
- It's possible that Uncle Fester and Don't Trust Me, Bro set up that Dotard to outfox Tyrion's trap. I hope so, because these three can play schemer well, unlike Incest Queen, Incest Charming, and Joffrey.