Episode 18: "The Prince of Winterfell"
Later, we find out that Incest Charming has escaped, and the one who freed him is none other than Mama Stark. HeartRobb reads her the riot act, as he should because that was easily the most boneheaded move she could have made, Mama Stark, you are stupid when it comes to your kids. Anyway, HeartRobb and his Florence Nightengale decide to literally go "fuck it!" together.
So Incest Charming is with Sergeant Calhoun, being a jerk as she is his escort. Like, why doesn't she kill this man already? Sansa's not worth it! Yes, she's grown on me, but Incest Charming needs to die already.
Meanwile, in Superjail, Bad Dad decides he's going to march against HeartRobb's army, then assigned Arya to another lord. Arya tries to find her hitman for hire before Bad Dad runs away, but he can't be found and Bad Dad rides away. Arya finds her hitman later and he tells her she owed him a name, so she gave his own name. He implores her to "un-name" him, and she does if she helps her escape. So at night, she, MiniTaur, and a third kid who I'm calling Porky meet at the gate...where they discover the guards are all dead.
Up north, Jon Snow isn't the only captive as the other men in their group got captured, with only the leader being alive. Elsehwere up in the lands of ice and snow, Sam and his contingent release a seal off some buried treasure. I half expected Rita Repulsa to jump out of the hole and claim after 10,000 years she's free...but that would be too interesting.
There's a pointless scene with Stannis and his best friend who was lowborn as they sail to King's Landing. Stannis promises to make him the King's Hand.
In the realm of Quarth, Mormont tells Daenerys that he has procured passage, but she wants to rescue her dragons, darn it! So nothing happens here, either.
Back at the capital, Incest Queen says she has discovered Tyrion's secret lover, then brings in a beaten and bloodied prostitute. Tyrion feigns anger and concern. There's also some conversation between him and Uncle Fester about being in charge of sanitation. Oh, and Joffrey thinks he can lead the troops into battle. Maybe this will end like Tyrion's attempt.
And to close the episode, we reveal, to NO ONE's surprise, that Bran and that other boy are alive, hiding in the catacombs of Winterfell.
- I wasn't fully Team Stannis before, but I'm definitely Team Stannis now. Who cares if his woman uses evil magic? She can send one of those smoke monsters to Joffrey and solve everything.
- I'm actually starting to like Bad Dad. It would be nice if he and Stannis actually went at it in a war instead of the people of the north fighting.
- Where is Jon's direwolf? That has to be the worst pet ever.
- Also, HeartRobb has a direwolf. Why didn't that wolf stop Mama Stark from being stupid?