Episode 47: "The Gift"
At the beginning of the episode, Jon Snow rides north with Wild Man. This leaves Sam alone, and Sam and Mamacita watch over the dying Crowmaester. He tells Mamacita to take her son and go south. He later dies, and Sam performs the ceremonial burning of his body.
Then that bitter crow that lost the election, who I'm calling Mr. Grumps, tells Sam that all his friends are leaving him.
True to form, some of the Survey Coprs harass Mamacita and try to rape her. Jon's direwolf, Moon Moon, saves the day, but Sam is beaten up very badly. So in gratitude, Mamacita climbs on top of him, while he's injured, and rides him, having her way with him
Unlike most of the scenes of this sort which are done for maximum titillation, both characters are fully clothed and it's rather heartwarming.
On a sadder note, Sansa's fortunes are worse than ever. Snowflakes are now making Winterfell a winter wonderland. Ramsay Bolton rapes her every single night and when she tries to get the Waterboy to leave a candle in the window, he confesses to Ramsay. So the next day Ramsay takes Sansa to the flayed body of the old woman who gave her the candle.
Meanwhile, Sergeant Calhoun and Podric -- who have been following Sansa -- watch from a nearby vantage point for a signal that does not come.
In Stannis camp, Stannis' forced are met with an unexpected snowstorm, and worse yet, some of his forces have left him, Crab Man urges caution due to the snow squall and tells him to go back north to the Wall, but Stannis says he has to march before winter really settles in. He knows his odds aren't the best, so Madame Red comes up to him and suggests that there is another person with King's blood she can use - Shireen. He stands firm and demands that she not touch the Princess. Way, to go Good Dad!
Elsewhere, in Dorne, the Dornish assassins and BSS are in jail in a fanservicey scene since we didn't get nudity from the actual sex scene. They ask him who is the most beautiful girl in the workd. One of the Dornish girls removes all her clothes. He gets excited, which was exactly the effect they wanted, as one of them had sliced him. It turned out that blade was poisoned. The girls
Incest Charming also talked to his NieceDaughter. NieceDaughter says she likes it here. I think Incest Charming should stay here, too. The weather is nice. The people have poison that can be used to plot against Tyrion (since now Incest Charming wants him dead, too). Most of all, he'd be with his niece and away from King's Landing. The longer Incest Charming stays away from the capital, the more decent of a person he becomes.
And that awful capital works its horrible magic on the son that's most like Incest Charming. King Tom Thumb channels his inner Joffrey saying he'll march on the High Sparrow. At the same time, Don't Trust Me Bro and Granny Goodwench sees the ruins of the brothel, and both realize all they had worked for is falling apart. So they have a plan.
Underneath the cathedral, Incest Queen taunts Faline by visiting her in the dungeon and showing fake concern. Faline does not fold, but does throw a tray or something at her. So Incest Queen feels good, until she sees the High Sparrow, who explains the history of this basement worship place, then tells her that Kissing Cousin unburdened himself, meaning that he spilled the beans at the bare minimum about one of her incestuous affairs, if not both. The Sparrows throw Incest Queen into a cell, too!
You read that right. Incest Queen is in JAIL! Yes, she has FINALLY gotten some direct consequence for her actions.
There is more resolution on the other side of the world. Mormont and Tyrion are on the auction block to be sold. A man offers to buy Momront and does, but leaves Tyrion until Tyrion insists that he be taken then he beats somebody up, proving that he can fight, too. So Tyrion and Mormont are taken in chains to fight in an exposition. It just so happens that Daenerys and Dragon Bait are at the exposition as well. However, Daenerys is disgusted when the one fighter starts killing the other fighters, and Dragon Bait stops her from leaving Mormont just can't wait, puts on a helmet, then non-lethally disposed of all the remaining fighting prisoners, Tyrion tries to get free, and his fellow prisoer frees him.
Mormont then takes off his helment, at Daenerys, in disgust tells him to leave. He says be brought her a gife, and Tyrion somes out the fighting tunnel then introduces himself to Sansa.
I was so worried that this would be one of those stupid-near misses, but instead there is positive progress in this story. The strategic union of Tyrion and Daenerys is going to produce an abunant yield of fallout.
I am torn. I want to see what happens next, but this is such a perfect end for the series that I could imagine what happens here.
- It's good that Tyrion has been brought over to the people to the East. Not only is there finally a more direct connection to that plotline, but Tyrion fills the precise void that Daenerys has -- a lack of wisdom. Plus, when word gets around that Sansa has married Ramsay Bolton that Tyrion and Daenerys can send Dario to Winterfell and have him rescue Tyrion's actual wife, Sansa.
- I feel bad for King Tom Thumb. He needed to be separated from these figures, but not like this. I worry he's going to go down the path of his older brother.
- I an also worried for Shireen's safety. That girl is smart, but Madam Med is ruthless when she's out for blood.
- Maybe I should start that future AU where King Tom Thumb abdicates the throne and Princess Shireen took the throne as Queen. Then several years later, she marries him out of convenience (she allows him to keep Casterly Rock), but it turns out the two end up really falling in love. Then they have their son who rules Westeros in an age of prosperity.