Episode 51: "The Red Woman"
We open with Jon Snow dead in the snow. I'm surprised. He actually is dead, and not just temp dead, either. Unfortunately, the shot and several others reminds me of the break between Season 2 and Season 3. Everyone looks visibly older. This and some other subtle differences lead me to believe that Seasons 3 through 5 should be considered a second arc, with Season 6 separate from it.
Anyway CrabMan finds him, and he and Jon's friends take him to a back room and hole up in there. Crab Man says they should trust Madam Red, because he's seen what she could do.
..um, excuse me, but first of all, when did you ever start trusting that woman? Second of all, why would she help you since you're not a believer? Third, how do you think she could help when Shireen and Stannis are dead? If she didn't get Stannis on the throne, why would she be successful now?
Apparently, Sansa and the Waterboy somehow survive jumping off the side of the Winterfell wall. Really? Anyway, they flee the Bolton forces, but the bloodhounds catch up to them. Just when the two are surrounded by the hunting party, Sergeant Calhoun fights the attackers off while Podrick is essentially a distraction, and even the Waterboy gets in on it. Sergeant Calhoun kneels before Sansa and pledges her loyalty, and Sansa accepts. We now have a party of four -- Sergeant Calhoun, Podrick, Waterboy, and just like in Final Fantasy!
Elsehwere in Mereen, as we are treated to another great scene with Uncle Fester and Tyrion, it turns out that someone or something had burned Daenerys' fleet of ships. Of course, Dario and Mormont are still looking for her and they follow her trail to a circle og hoof marks. Meanwhile, the Dothraki first think Daenerys' is a nobody and just a foreign lady, then take her to the new Khal. She tells him that she was Khal Drogo's wife do they tell her they're going to take her where all Khal's widows go, and it sounds like this is an actual location, not a metaphor for killing her.
In Bravos, Arya is now blind and begging for money. Now the girl from before, who I'm now calling The Spoiler, appears and gives her a stick and makes her fight. Of course, Arya loses, but the Spoiler leaves the stick she brought for Arya, which is quite the gift to a poor, penniless blind girl.
But in the capital, Incest Queen and Incest Charming mourn the loss of their daughter, while the High Sparrow tries to get Faline to confess. Meanwhile, the Viper Sisters kill Tristan on the boat. I guess this is the boy violence I was looking for.
And all the way in Dorne, Oberyn's widow, who I'm calling SisterWife, kills Prince Bashir and his loyal guard because in her mind he is weak for actually seeking peace with his enemies.
Okay, I get it. Women are ambitious and evil, just like men.
Oh, we close at night at the wall, when Madame Red goes to bed. She undresses, then takes off her choker, revealing true appearance as an old woman.
- Is Madame Red one of those people from the Black and White House?
- No Bran makes me ecstatic. Maybe he'll be gone for the rest of the series. The show is so much better without him.
- Shouldn't they be burning Jon Snow's corpse right about now? You don't want him come back as a blue-eyed corpse...no, wait, that would be an improvement.
- Maybe the Old Man of the Sea and Stephanie McMahon can come and join forces with Dorne, since both of them agree in the "we take what we want" motto.