Episode 63 - "The Queen's Justice"
The first two episodes of this season were about setup and a new direction.
This third episode is still more setup, and forced, forced drama.
Anyway, Jon Snow and Crab Man arrive on Dragonstone, where the Dothraki immediately take his weapons...and his ship. Jon is wowed by the sight of dragons. He has seen giants and he has seen the undead, but dragons in the flesh are something entirely different.
Meanwhile, on a cliff, Madame Red tells Uncle Fester she has to leave. He says, "Bye, Felicia." She replies, "I'll be back."
Seriously, a mashup between the movies "Friday" and "Terminator" would be more exciting than this.
Because Jon Snow and Daenerys meet, and what should be a simple exchange of words turns into a bickering contest between two people who call themselves royals but haven't taken KIng's Landing. Seriously, there is a ten minute song and dance about why one should and shouldn't bend the knee and in the end, Jon Snow and Daenerys only stop bickering like five-year-olds when she receives word that her fleet has been sunk by Uncle Captain.
So Tyrion has to be the adult in the room and talk to each separately, telling Jon to be reasonable and telling Daenerys that Jon's an ally.. He and the others also have to talk Daenerys out of riding her dragons to Uncle Captain's fleet and razing them. The end result is that Jon Snow can mine dragonglass.
Again, this took HALF THE EPISODE!
In other news, Waterboy is fished out the water. Uncle Captain takes Stephanie McMahon, SisterWife, and a Viper Sister who somehow survived to King's Landing and gives them to Incest Queen, who punishes SisterWife by killing Viper Sister with the same poison they used against her daughter. Incest Queen then accepts his proposal, then later goes to her bedchamber to make love to her brother. Incest Charming...seems a little out of it, though. More on this later.
Elswehere, Mormont is pronounced cured of the dragon pox and is allowed to go free, and as a reward for helping him, Sam is given more work, copying tomes.
And Bran comes home to Winterfell, but renounces his titlle, stating that he is the three-eyed-raven now.
Oh, but the end of this episode is really dumb. You see, instead of showing the full siege of Casterly Rock, we get more of a montage with Tyrion's narration. The Unsullied do take the loosely guarded fortress, but it turns out that it's a trap. Uncle Captain sailed and destroyed the ships of the Unsullied as they took over Casterly Rock. And worst of all, the forces that were at Casterly Rock was a skeleton crew.
That was because the rest of the forces were at Granny Goodwench's place. The Lannisters raid this place in a rout and Incest Charming confronts the old woman, pouring poison in her drink. Before she downs the poisoned drink, she tells Incest Charming she had Joffrey killed.
- Mormont was cured waaay too easily. Worst of all, we know he's more or less cured or else Sam and everyone else would be showing signs of the dragon pox. I wanted to see Dragon Zombie Mormont!
- I have accepted that MiniTaur will likely never appear in this thing again.