Then again, Victor Newman and Stefano DiMera would have really taught these amateurs how to scheme.
And if you're new to Game of Thrones and my Livejournal, don't start here.
Episode 73: The "Iron Throne"
The episode opens with Tyrion, Jon Snow, Crab Man and some of the north men looking through all of the rubble and debris from Daenerys' rampage. Jon Snow sees Grey Worm and a bunch of Unsullied over prisoners of the losing army. Jon Snow tells them to leave the prisoners alive, Grey Worm tells him to take it up with the queen and slits the throats of the captives.
Not too far from here Tyrion surveys the remains of the castle, then heads towards one pile, which leads to the cellar where Incest Charming and Incest Queen were. Tyrion uncovers the fake hand of Incest Charming, then starts banding the rocks against the ground in grief, knowing his sister and brother are dead.
Daenerys then walks out to her troops, triumphant. Whereas the Daenerys of the previous episode was angry, this one is almost a completely different character acting-wise. She was not like this even in the previous episode. There she was a rampaging ball of destruction, fury, and anger. Here, she is acting like a pure cartoon villain, just like Incest Queen. She wasn't acting like this even in her own ruthless moments previously, where she did seem sad, but resigned and convicted. She wasn't even acting like this in her previous victory speeches when she was full of fire.
Jon Snow and Tyrion are standing to the side. Tyrion steps forward says he has had enough of this and quits as her Hand, so Daenerys throws him in a cellar. Jon visits him and both of them know what he has to do.
So anyway, in the throne room, Jon walks up to Daenerys, who is alone, and the last dragon is outside and lets him in. Daenerys has now gone full-tilt Sigma, talking about how they'll change the world. Unsurprisingly, Jon then kills Daenerys for the good of the world.
Now, this would be a powerful, awesome moment.
Remember there's a dragon sitting there? He reacts with anger upon seeing that Daenerys is dead, nudging her body a few times, and you would expect this dragon, who loves his mother, to simply roast or eat Jon for killing the only parent he had. It would be an awesome ending for the two. Jon dying as a hero with his destined.
Instead, this dragon turns his fire onto the Iron Throne, melting it to nothing.
So...apparently the dragon was IN on this assassination? Seriously, this would have been a fine moment BEFORE the assassination, where it would be made clear Daenerys's dragon turned on her, but not now.
No, it gets weirder. The dragon flies off and takes Daenerys' corpse with it!
Yes, that action about as much sense as the sentence reads in isolation, without any context.
IT GETS WORSE!
Apparently, OFFSCREEN, the Unsullied get Jon, arrest him, then put him in the dungeon. There are so many things wrong with this I could scream. These were the Unsullied who were just slitting throats left and right. It makes sense if they would kill him ("Kill the Masters!"). It makes sense if they simply are lost without their queen ("Let him go!") or say "You lead us or we kill you" forcing him to make an active choice to reject the throne instead of this "I bend the knee" excuse. Instead, they JAIL him? OFFSCREEN? So we don't get to see how Grey Worm reacts to his queen's death?
IT GETS WORSE!!!!
Some time later, Tyrion is brought out before the heads of all the houses/kingdoms in Westeros at the same meeting place at the end of the last season, the abandoned dragon pits. There's even a new person from Dorne here. They come together to answer the pertinent, lingering question.
Who should rule Westeros?
There's this dark comedy where that one dude Incest Charming spared (and who I thought was Bolton, but was Mama Stark's kin) speaks and they shut him up. and they similarly shut down a groundbreaking proposal from Sam; let the people of Westeros decide who would lead. No, the people need a king. At first they nominate Tyrion, who refuses. So then a decision is made.
It is Bran.
Yes, Bran who has done absolutely nothing but sit, get carried around, act as undead bait, and spread inconvenient truths, gets to rule. I know Vegas had odds and Bran was the leading candidate, but this is ridiculous. He said he wasn't even "Bran Stark" any more. WTF. Since he can't have kids, then the heads of the houses will come and elect a new king when the time comes.
But there's still the matter about what to do with Jon Snow. Grey Worm wants justice, so Bran tells him that Jon Snow will, as punishment, be sent to the Wall to join the Survey Corps. And as "punishment" Tyrion has to serve as the King's Hand. Tyrion genuinely does not want to do this, in fairness, because he actually has a conscience and has remorse for the things he's done (because he's a hero, even if he, like Arya, doesn't consider himself one), so it is fitting of a punishment. Tyrion essentially has to rule the country he wrecked by backing the wrong horse.
As a result, in the council room Tyrion arranges chairs, and the Crab Man is the Master of the sea, Sergeant Calhoun is the Master of War, and Sam is the Grand Maester or something. Podrick wheels Bran in for a show appearance, then wheels him out, letting Tyrion and crew determine how they are going to proceed. Oh, and somehow the creators sneak in (read "awkwardly shoehorn") a mention to the A Song of Ice and Fire novels that spawned this series.
So Arya says she is going to sail West of Westeros into the unknown. The Unsullied, for some odd reason, decide to leave Westeros and sail to another land. Sansa goes back up north and is crowned Queen of the North. And Jon Snow goes back to the wall and decides to lead the Wildlings back home north of the wall.
What a crock!
The problem with this ending is that it tried to do two things. It tried to subvert expectations, but also give some sort of happy ending so things would be the same as they always were. I don't mind Daenerys dying. I don't mind Jon Snow not getting the throne. I mind that the ending took the two game-changing actions of her death and the end of the chair of doom, then in the rest of the episode, allowed the kingdom to continue largely the same way; having one ruler replace the other, just with slightly different rules of succession. It was as if this entire season -- and series -- was for literally nothing. The Game of Thrones continues...forever.
No, I wasn't expecting Sam's suggestion for democracy to be taken seriously, even if that would have been better than what we got. What would have made sense is for the seven kingdoms to go back to being seven kingdoms, since there would be no need for a untied kingdom anymore. It would be the end of Westeros as a union.
But this...was stupid.
- Why didn't Jon Snow just lie for once? All he had to do was say the dragon turned on Daenerys, then took her body away. They would see the damage the dragon caused to the throne. This would not only preserve her as a heroic, unbeaten figure to her followers, but it would allow him to get away free. It would show that he finally learned to put the realm over what is right. He could still refuse to rule, and he could return to the wall on his own, not as punishment but as a choice. No, wait, that would require him to actually make a choice on his own fate instead of being a sword to point at dangers.
- They say Bran can't father children, but in all seriousness, how do they know this? Yes, I did write that it was unlikely he could sire any kids. However, anyone who knows anything about spinal injuries and paralysis knows that is often that a person is paralyzed but is able to produce sperm and respond to stimulation. This isn't like Waterboy in which the parts simply aren't there. There's a big difference between being the head of a powerful house and being the king and making that declaration for the latter seems premature.
- BSS being the Master of Coin is really, really contrived, and a really bad fit. Being the Master of Coin requires someone who is willing to count coin, and he's more apt to spend it.
- So what about the sorcerers and the magic and such? I guess Madame Red is the end of this whole thread.
- I wonder what Dario's going to do now. He's back in Mereen with no idea his queen is dead. Maybe he has already lost the city by now.