July 9th, 2006

Sailor Steeler

Oh well...

People wonder why I'm so negative.

It's not as hard to be positive when you have all the attributes and achievements your friends have, when you can see them and not be mindful of the differences between you and them because those differences don't result in them having more power over you. If deep down inside, you know that you hold no more weight over anyone than they do, then at least you know that you have something, relationships based on what you have in common rather than the innate power differences among people. But when those differences in levels are there, it consumes everything. You can't turn it off, because the heirarchy is fixed, and no one from a position that is higher is willing to give up their position to one who is lower.

And you know the worst part of all, while I might be a negative person, I could deal with it if people supported me in things that I do that aren't negative. After all, if the tactic of those in power is to band together and focus on their strengths, then if I really do have these supposed strengths, why don't you support my strengths? If you don't like it when I whine, why is that the only thing of mine that ever garners attention? Why not ask me about my comic, or ask me about something I made or was working on? It would be one thing if I were garnering feedback, or if I received positive words from somewhere else, but when I complain and people give that more attention, then it means that anything I do is worthless indeed, and all I can do is complain.