June 12th, 2007

Sailor Steeler

(no subject)

And once again, it all comes crashing down.

Other people are able to do far more with far less, and other people do more than more. People evolve and grow more complex and more skillful.

But when I think of the compilation of my life in the past ten years, while I see where I've changed, I don't see where I've gotten any better at anything. Sure, I can look at a terrible image edit I made years ago or a stupid piece I had written, and recognize that it was bad, but I am not capable of doing anything better. In terms of knowledge, skills, and perhaps even judgment, I feel like I was better a long time ago, than I was now, and that while everyone else tends to become more elaborate, I tend to simplify and degrade. To think I'm not even truly "old" yet, but I feel as though everyone in the world is spinning away from me, leaving me an empty, cold, center with nothing to express.
  • Current Mood
    gloomy gloomy