January 20th, 2008

lady

Depressed as Usual

I know everyone has their "I can't connect to the world" moments, but the sad truth is more often than not, I feel as though I can't connect to anyone.

I'm a fan of things, but I'm not an enthusiast. Do I dabble in certain aspects of fandom? Sure. But I can't tell you the precise stats of a professional sports player, the exact quotes of a series at random, or engage in the in-depth fact-based discussion that people who follow those things. I watch, I like, and sometimes I participate in the unsanctioned dialogue, but for the most part, despite the on-line image I portray, I'm a casual fan and I see things in terms of generalities rather than details.

But it's bothersome when I see people who know the nooks and crannies of everything. Sure they might be maligned from a general perspective, but that level of detail is useful in seeing the bigger picture. It just makes me feel worse in comparison. I already can do less than 99% of able-bodied, living people of my age group, but to know less than that same group leads me to watch silently as the circle of people I know spiral away slowly, and all I am less and less.
  • Current Mood
    melancholy melancholy