January 24th, 2008

saturn, hotaru tomoe

Exhaustion

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of people and people just continuing to grow and get better instead of spiraling into silent despair with nothing but cries of anguish. Even those who die leave a legacy instead of fading away into nothing, but people like me are robbed of both immediate impact and lasting illusions of our time on earth.

Yeah, it's a small comfort that in the annals of time, all of this will mean nothing, and all others will be forgotten as much as me, but I'd like to at least have a comparable impact on the world as those whose works I've taken in.

So, I've decided not to take in any new interest ever again. Every time I find something I like, the work or the people behind it find away to belittle me again. The only way I can't let them affect me is to pretend they don't exist. Denial sucks, but it's all I have at this point. I don't have the energy to protest any more.
  • Current Mood
    exhausted exhausted