Nangbaby (nangbaby) wrote,

  • Mood:

Nothing to say...

I see that Arturo Sanchez, also known as nycfurby on LJ, is no longer part of the LiveJournal Community. I don't know if he deleted his journal or if it were due to the fact that the journal wasn't updated. Maybe he's spending more time in tournaments as he told me few months agao, but right now I'm just too tired to look into it. I wish him the best.

In any case, this may be my last entry for a while, not because I expect to die, but because I'm tired of the Internet, yet again.

I've been tired before, and I've bounced back before. But every time I get tired, it takes a little something out of me. I've been too tired, for too long. I don't think there will be some magic "April Fools" day resurgence this time.

The problem is there's really nothing to talk about. I say something, people disagree. They outnumber me, so they're automatically right. So there's nothing more I can say. After all, it's wrong just because it comes from me.

The sad thing is that there are no new people to meet, no circles for me to join. Everyone I know is into one circle or another, something that excludes me automatically. I have nothing in common with anyone anymore. If every time I express an opinion its squashed, dismissed, then thrown aside, while other express an opinion and get people to agree, then how can there be anything we have in common? You shout, "Pink!" I cry, "Blue!" Pink wins once again. No one ever shouts, "Purple!" Yet it's not just one thing, or a few things, but everything these days is getting like this. I'm just tired of fighting against the world without any help.

I don't care about AIM any more. Half the people I knew on there betrayed me. The other half still talk to the assholes who betrayed me. No one genuinely misses me, or thinks about me. Instead, people say that they do, then they move on with their "real" friends, laughing along the way. Then people wonder why I'm "paranoid." Because people who have known me for years that I trusted suddenly declare that I should be hung, stuffed, shot, and raped, then cry that they were just using me and are cheered for their deception. Yet, I'm the crazy one, and when I actually decide to expose them for what they've done, I'm the one who's censored or banned. That doesn't make any sense.

There's nothing for me to connect with people on any more, and I share nothing in common with the people that I know now. We all had something to bring us together, but you each grew your circles of friends and interest while I withered away with each passing day.

The sad thing is that I have ideas, visions, outlines of at least ten universes in my head down to the slightest detail, the different rules of each intersecting and dividing. But no one cares about them. No one wants to hear them, and I don't even have the ability to bring them out if they did. Now, it really doesn't matter. Some of you will really look at this post and care. Others of you will probably dismiss it an attempt to seek attention. Yet still, does it matter either way? I'm so far apart from the people that I've known for years that I might as well disappear. You have people on-line who actually will actively engage you, who won't let you go into the night quietly, with whom you can discuss your obsessions and vice versa.

As a closing note, I have a Newgrounds account with the same screen name as this journal and everything else, Nangbaby. I tell you this because if any of you want to know if I'm all right, just look at the account to see if I'm still gaining experience points. If it continues to rack up points, I'm fine. But if it goes more than two weeks without any updates, then start to worry. If it goes more than a month without any more points added, then it means I'm probably dead. It's not that I love Newgrounds all that much (and if they keep deleting non-abiusive reviews, I won't have an account). It's just the only thing that I have ever been persistent in that has actually paid off.

Edited to Add: As tired as I am of on-line bullshit, I found out that to unlock certain things in Final Fantasy III for DS, you have to go on-line and send messages. Anyway my Friend Code is 373-755-164-709. Once I get the required number of messages, this will be deleted, so copy it now while you have the chance.

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