Nangbaby (nangbaby) wrote,

You know if you told me ten years ago that I would never be on AIM, hardly check my e-mail, and have a growing disinterest in anything creative, I wouldn't have believed you. I might have thought I'd put aside such pursuits due to lack of time (such as working), not due to lack of desire.

Getting backstabbed by people you trust a good five or six times does that to you. Then being crushed by those very same people, even after they backstab you, while they ride the gravy train to success is more than enough to turn anyone bitter. And since that's not good enough, they go after you and silence you even AFTER they've disassociated themselves from you. It's sad that despite being called unreasonably paranoid, people have insulted my appearance, deleted the only on-line copy of my work, and spread utter lies about me -- things for which I have no defense because I value to little privacy I wish to keep. It turns out I was not paranoid enough.

If you don't care, don't respond to me after I'm gone or take me down. Just leave me be and live well as revenge. If I'm powerless and unworthy and all that such, why do people feel the need to go beyond the already destructive groupthink and condemnations?

The sad thing is that deep down I know that there might be people out there who might not prove themselves trustrworthy. But I shy away from them because I simply can't stand to be backstabbed any more. Not even once.

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