?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Mar. 4th, 2008 | 11:40 pm

You know if you told me ten years ago that I would never be on AIM, hardly check my e-mail, and have a growing disinterest in anything creative, I wouldn't have believed you. I might have thought I'd put aside such pursuits due to lack of time (such as working), not due to lack of desire.

Getting backstabbed by people you trust a good five or six times does that to you. Then being crushed by those very same people, even after they backstab you, while they ride the gravy train to success is more than enough to turn anyone bitter. And since that's not good enough, they go after you and silence you even AFTER they've disassociated themselves from you. It's sad that despite being called unreasonably paranoid, people have insulted my appearance, deleted the only on-line copy of my work, and spread utter lies about me -- things for which I have no defense because I value to little privacy I wish to keep. It turns out I was not paranoid enough.

If you don't care, don't respond to me after I'm gone or take me down. Just leave me be and live well as revenge. If I'm powerless and unworthy and all that such, why do people feel the need to go beyond the already destructive groupthink and condemnations?

The sad thing is that deep down I know that there might be people out there who might not prove themselves trustrworthy. But I shy away from them because I simply can't stand to be backstabbed any more. Not even once.

Link | Leave a comment |

Comments {5}

Spig

from: sin_ominous
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 08:41 am (UTC)
Link

Did something happen to you recently? Hate to see Nang in distress.

Reply | Thread

Nangbaby

No...

from: nangbaby
date: Mar. 9th, 2008 06:49 pm (UTC)
Link

Nothing in particular. It's just that I fail to see how people act like they don't care and yet actively take steps against you. I mean it's horrible enough to dismiss, but to then come after you after they've dismissed you, then call you petty is a bit much.

If you say you don't care, then don't complain or say anything.

Reply | Parent | Thread

from: No Name Person
date: Mar. 8th, 2008 09:40 pm (UTC)
Link

You still let these internet situations get to you way too much. These are people you have never met, will more then likely never meet, who really by definition can't really be called friends in the traditional sense of the word.

All the negative feelings you have about yourself over these things really isn't equal to whatever pleasure or good you may have gotten out of these internet acquaintances in the first place. You really let them get too much of a rise out you on the negative end and that can't ever equal whatever fake kinship or whatever you might of though was there in the first place.

I really hope you can at some point trust people more in real life and maybe then these online annoyances will kind of gain more perspective for you. This is still just a computer world and you can't really be harmed enough by people you have no physical contact with. Like George Carlin said on the computer you have option to just delete people.......

Reply | Thread

Nangbaby

Good words...

from: nangbaby
date: Mar. 9th, 2008 07:06 pm (UTC)
Link

Well, I see what you mean, but still, I can't make a blanket statement that all on-line relationships are not worth the effort. Putting aside my own experiences, for every horror story of Chester the Child Molester luring a child away from his parents or on-line dates gone awry, there are an overwhelming number of counter-examples of people who actually did find friends over the Internet. I may be unique, but at the same time, I recognize that that inherently not that much different than other people. Surely what works for them works for me.

Besides, betrayal in real life has even worse consequences than self-flagellations. I'm reminded of this by the story about James Harrison allegedly hitting his girlfriend, and the only reason why that makes the news is that it's James Harrison. Think of all the women who get beat up by their boyfriends and it doesn't make the news.

As bad as the Internet is, like you said, it can all be deleted. I have physical and mental bruises and scars from the treatment of people in real life, and that stuff hurts even more.

Reply | Parent | Thread

Re: Good words...

from: No Name Person
date: Mar. 10th, 2008 01:04 am (UTC)
Link

For all the time I have been speaking to you online I have never actually heard you say that you have been mistreated by people in real life. I kind of assumed it but, it really is the first time you ever opened up said it.

In any case you shouldn't let what people do or did to you ruin your whole existence. I know you are a church-going person but, maybe you should go talk to someone outside of your usual circle to try and find some way to deal with things that clearly bother you and are preventing you from living your life with less discomfort then you are now. I mean I am a realist and some things are still going to suck but, maybe it won't suck so bad ;)

As for the internet I don't take it seriously because I didn't grow up with it per say and I always took it for it what it was at the time. But it has become serious for some and even though many feel it's just "words on a screen", sometimes people can be hurt by it. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22134552/

Reply | Parent | Thread