What relieves me is the idea that despite being meaningless, some people find my mere words too hard to ignore. It's a relief because it means that despite all the protests of me taking things too seriously, it shows they are wrong. If people find the need to shun me or silence me, it's obvious they are the ones with the problem. It meant the truth hurt so badly that they couldn't face it, and instead of ignoring it they actively squash it. With that certainty, I can begin to forgive past wrongs and laugh as they continue to punish thin air. Since I'm right, I don't need to attempt to prove it to other people, especially those determined to strike me down. I hold the knowledge in my heart and continue to attempt to create despite attempts to shut me down, and only hope one day, others would be able to let me create with the same freedom as they do.
What distresses me is the ever-increasing trend of creators paying lip service to fans and getting them to do their dirty work for them (be it silencing critics or creating material for them), only for the fans turn into creators to do the same to their fans. Don't get me wrong. As a fan, I believe it a moral right to be able create a derivative work. But I would never once try to profit from it directly or indirectly, and I would not accept any offers to work with the original creators on a collaborative project. The fact that people and publishers have gone from laizes fare to the extremes of pandering (new media/video game companies) or punishing (RIAA/MPAA) just sickens me. It's a giant Ponzi scheme of fandom, and it is economically unsound. When it does collapse -- and it will collapse within the next few years -- it's going to hurt the real fans, the ones who know their role is unsanctioned but non-threatening. The winners will have won, and people like me will be silenced permanently, not by cliques who do care, but by the dollar that doesn't.
In essence, I'm even confused by what I wrote.